~ Cerita Wedding Itu & kami ~

Assalamualaikum

Tetiba rasa nak menulis entri kat blog nie dah datang..sementara rasa rajin so saya teruskan sebelum kembali sibuk(busy r katakan)...sebenarnya saya tak tahu nak tulis tajuk apa kat entri kali nie...tajuk tuh kena or ada kaitan ke tak pon saya tak pasti...just nak kongsi...semuanya bermula daripada cerita perbincangan perkahwinan akak sedara saya(along,anak mak ngah)...tak lama lagi Kak Nisa akan berkahwinan so my parents sebagai pak long & mak long mereka sangat pelik sebab majlis dalam sebulan setengah je lagi...tapi takde pape khabar berita....

So bermula perbincangan di antara my parents atuk dan mak sedara dan pak sedara kami...masa nie kitaorang balik kampung sempena raya haji la katakan...balik kejap jela...so kesempatan nie my parents mulakanlah perbincangan mengenai perkahwinan Kak Nisa(anak Mak Ngah)...masa nie mak ngah seFamily takde...sebab my parents sangat risau so just berbincanglah sesama mereka....

So saya,adik dan Along kitaorang cuma mendengar....dengar jela kang menyibuk lebih kang kena marah lak...mula perbincangan orang2 tua nie biasa jela...bila tarikh nikah?bila tarikh majlis?berapa orang tetamu?makanan?lokasi?...semua lah berkaitan dengan perkahwinan....my parents pon cakap mengenai "Door Gift"....coz mereka nak sponsorlah sedikit untuk perkahwinan anak sedara mereka lah katakan...then acik ida pon cakap "susah bg long,abg ngah tuh mana nak semua nie...dia cakap nie semua pembaziran".... nak dijadikan ceritalah Pak Ngah kami nie orang warak dan islamic sangat...

Terasa perbincangan itu semakin panjang lebar....makin lama topik ini makin berat dan serius pada pemikiranku..Yup perkahwinan..."sungguh pening kepala saya mendengar perbincangan mereka semua"...bukankah perkahwinan itu mudah....keliru kadang2....BTW apa kaitan cerita dengan saya adik dan Along?nak dijadikan stori...ntah part mana tetiba ayah mention kat kami..okay Along,adik n Pisah(saya)...ingat okay nanti masa wedding korang "NO SANDING!" .....ermmmmmmm,maksud "Pelamin anganku musnah" bak kata adik saya..kami hanya mampu tersenyum....

Well2....saya tak pasti pasal Along...but kalau pasal adik saya....dia nie ada impian perkahwinan sendiri "Nak Bersandinglah"....saya tak tahu macam mana penerimaan adik atas bantahan mengenai "Sanding"............dan saya??...sejujurnya setiap orang impikan sebuah perkahwinan yang akan menjadi ingatan selamanya..memang sejak dari awal lagi,saya telah meletakkan dalam hati sekiranya suatu masa nanti jodohku dah sampai "Berkahwin" memang sedikit pon saya tidak meletakkan impian untuk bersanding......bersanding itu adalah Haram,di mana kita mempamerkan diri kita diatas pelamin,mana kena renjis dan tabur bunga rampai bagai...itu adalah adat tapi Haram dalam agama Islam...so not a big issue for me....


Mungkin juga ada segelintir orang melihat saya dengan pelbagai persepsi apabila berkenaaan dengan rancangan perkahwinan or konsep perkahwinan saya....saya macam nie saya macam tuh saya akan buat camni saya akan buat camtu saya leceh cerewet saya demand.....and so on.....to be truth,I just have a Simple Wedding Dream(sebuah perkahwinan yang diredhai dan diterima olehnya)....people never ask,so people never know :) ....

SAID : Ya Allah permudahkanlah ceriteraku....mungkin suatu masa nanti....In Shaa Allah Pasti Tiba :)

Aamin....

~ The Silence of me ~

Assalamualaikum

It's long time i never writing and sharing here...i guess so...maybe I'm so busy with some stuff...so many things happen in this few month....But something make me realize about this once...While I'm feeling so lonely...I think i miss a lot of people "My Family, BestFriends and someone that..ermm" to be truth this Silence already killing me slowly....What I means is???

I'm trying to make a distance from each people that I Love so....maybe i cannot story all here...but just because of one incident that giving a big impact to me...that make me feeling so down and so stress...i cannot laugh or feeling happy this a few months...what I have just crying and crying then being silent person...

whatever the pain i have, I'm choose to through it by myself...alone...because i just cannot keep giving a problem and troubling all people around me... 

~ Bosan Ngantuk Workaholic Hati RIndu...Ape kaitan?~

Assalamualaikum

ermmmm....agak bosan tak tahu nak buat ape..maka teringat lah dekat blog nie...simple as me kalau ade masa pasti saya akan berCeloteh kat sini....Well,takde benda nak buat sambil terfikir pasal sesuatu dan banyak sebenarnya...

Tetiba teringat perbualan dengan Sang Sahabat...topik dan pertanyaan secara tetiba.....dimana dia menyatakan yang dia tak suka perempuan yang workaholic(sambil senyum pandang saya)....TTTTTTT dalam hati nie mengata saya ke ape??.....nak kater terasa takdelah...just tempias tuh ada lah bukan sebab semua orang gelar I'm workaholic...aigooooooo

Pendapatnya pasangan yang Workaholic nie takkan ada masa bersama...contohlah dia free tapi pasangan sebok dengan dunia bekerja..so takde perhatian untuk pasangan....bagi saya tak salah pon if dia cakap camtuh coz semua orang lain-lain perangai..xsemua sama pon...(sekali pandangan saya)...pastuh sebut"hah,macam Ella!!"

Ermmmm...why me??saya bertanya kepadanya...yela sebab kamu kan Workaholic dan takde masa untuk pasangan...untuk beberapa ketika saya diam....berfikir...bukan fikir apa cuma terfikir camtuh saya pada pandangan mereka??Aishhhh...kekesalan mula menyelinap....saya bertanya kembali...salahkah if saya workaholic??Pernah tak tanya kenapa saya workaholic??.....ermmm....as my best friend you should know me better,don't simply judge me......"I Wish you could know the reasons"....plus you know what,you take me as a sample but you forget that "My Partners" is not my husband yet...How can i give him my full intention ......

"Sometimes I Choose to be and being busy with my work just because it's only the way for stopping me to think about others matter and people"

saya tak tahu kenapa..tetapi untuk kesekian kali saya rasa sangat merindui masa bersama...dan saya terfikir tentangnya....tetiba perasaan sunyi mula menyelinap dalam diri...."Ya Allah jauhkan hati ini daripada rasa sunyi ini,sampaikanlah rasa rindu padanya yang layak sehingga hambamu ini mampu menyampaikan rasa ini suatu hari nanti"....belum tiba masa...

Betul, hati kita berada dalam dada masing-masing. 

Tapi, Allah yang pegang hati itu. Jadi, mintalah pada Allah SWT supaya membuka hati tersebut. Kerana hati itu Dia punya, bahkan semuanya milik Dia.

Feel deep deep inside....wish me as strong as I am.....

~ Rasa Rindu Itu ~

Assalamualaikum

Rasa sekian lama saya tak menulis kat dalam blog nie...mungkin disebabkan kehidupan harian yang semakin sibuk...Alhamdulillah baru ni saya baru berpindah tempat kerja...Dunia baru Suasana Baru Orang baru...serba baru...dengan tempat baru maka saya dapat bayang tahap kebusyan yang akan melanda diri nanti...sekarang pun amat busy...

Tetapi untuk seketika,hati saya terusik dengan sesuatu perasaan..Ermmm sekian lama saya biarkan diri tanpa perasaan itu tetapi kenapa perasaan ini minta untuk dilepaskan??Pelik kan...tetapi terlalu banyak perkara yang berlaku....

Ya Allah hambamu mohon kepadamu,lapangkanlah dadaku ini daripada segala rasa ini..Sungguh daku adalah insan yang lemah saat berhadapan dengan situasi ini....

"Salahkah bila hati merindu??Benar saya amat merindui dia yang bernama R....Sesungguhnya terlalu lama saya tidak bertanyakan khabarnya...bukan kerana marah ego mahupun pape cuma saya sedikit sibuk dan memilih untuk tidak memikirkan sangat tetapi hakikatnya hati dan perasaan terlalu rindu....

Semoga rasa rindu ini sampai kepadanya..Semoga kamu di sana begitu juga,merinduiku/menyayangiku/mengingatiku didalam doamu....Ya Allah janganlah dikau jauhkan hati kami berdua,dekatkanlah diri kami ke arah ikatan yang diredhaimu...

In Shaa Allah,Salam rindu buat insan yang dekat dihati dan jauh dari di mata....

~ Jealous @ Cemburu ~

Assalamualaikum

First at all,I want to wish " Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir & Batin " I guess it's quite time I didn't sharing here...

To be truth just a simple writing and sharing today... As a normal human I'm also having a jealous feeling... Apa orang cakap??? CEMBURU!!.....Betul r tuh...Sometimes even a simple matter.. I also get jealous with others....I'm just.... Ermmmm, something like this... Sometimes I hope my life was happy and simple likes others people. But life is not easy as we thought. Life without problems or trouble is not a normal life.

Maybe sometimes I'm just feeling so tired n wanna give up with everything. Sometimes I'm just want to run away run far away from my normal life. But the truth is still here and I'm still here.But I know, everything happens with a reason. Miracle will take place someday. Hope I will more patient with this all messy matter.I hope I will go through all of this test.

Said : Ya Allah give me a strength to through your path.

~ Rasa itu.... ~

Rasa itu Kian Pelik

Tatkala Diri Mula Melupakanmu

Hatiku Kian Merindu 

Jiwaku Diam Meronta

Terasa Sakit Duka Kecewa

Mula Menghantui Diriku

Ikhlaskah Diriku Melepaskanmu

Atau Hanya Alasanku Melupakanmu

Andai Kebenaran Mampu Terucap

Pasti Ku akan Lontarkan Sekuat Hati

Biar Seluruh Dunia Tahu Rasa Ini

Sekian Kalinya Rasa Ini Kembali

Rasa Rindu yang Teramat

Rasa Sayang yang tak Terucap

Rasa Bahagia Bila Bersama

Tapi kini semua tinggal mimpi

Kerana dikau takkan pernah kembali

Kembali seperti dulu

Membahagiakanku Melindungiku

Menyayangiku Merinduiku

Dan Membuatku Tersenyum Disisimu

Kerana Dikau Telah Melupakanku

Membuangku Mencampakkanku

Meninggalkanku Membenciku

Bersabarlah Hati 

Jangan Kau Tangisi Lagi

Cukup Sampai Disini

Takku pernah membenci 

Mahupun menyakiti

Bukan kehendak hati 

Untukku melangkah pergi

Cuma ini yang Terbaik

Untuk Kebahgiaan Dirimu Sayang...

~ terdiam keseorangan...merindui kamu!!tapi daku jua ditinggalkan ~

~ Thursday Day ~

~ Just for a Second!!! ~

Asssalamualaikum

It's a quite time I didn't writing or sharing anything here...To be truth,this was a place that close to me...Normal I always sharing with my important person (best friends,bestie,him,family)...but once I don't have anyone to talk to share to story..I will writing here...Feeling free to share,maybe someone will know or not...I know Allah is always with me..But I,m just a normal person,so much lack from me...

Just for a Second??? I'm feeling so sad and cry...Too much things happens suddenly...Almost a few months I'm trying to run from all sadness matter sadness story sadness fact...I'm trying to be strong to be happy to smile while to be truth I'm was a weak person..that's trying run from the fact....I'll try to make a new story of me,try to be friends with a new people,try something that I never think...(created a new person of me myself).....

Yuppp,I was a person that try to lie to myself....Truth I'm busy with my Work Life but the fact I'll try to run from my sadness...Truth I'm happy with my new friends but the fact I was Miss My Bestfriends....I'm also miss "Him" badly....sad story again....Bestfriend and Him was related,they was an important person to me after Allah and my family....what the story I try to forget.....

"Dear Allah,you are the only one that know everything what I have been through,you are the best created through my path...if you created my path ended like this,I'm Redha with this..But if you give this test as a challenge through my path,please...please Allah...please give me a strength and patience to through it"......

 

Just for a Second??Your name was passes in my heart...why I'm feeling so sadddddd...what I'm crying for???what is this??.....why this feeling so complicated....why when I'm facing you that feeling just normal..why while I'm trying toooo run from you I'm in a pain...I'm trying to stop this feeling but you always there in my night dream......you know what I'm feeling??try to be strong??try to smile happy??do I stupid??....I'm just do not know....the tears just falling down without stop,my heart was crying non stop....do I??do I???......for a second i realize that"I'll been miss you"...even I'm just nothing to you...

 

#Throwback memory  22/1/2011...awkward moment being okey...

#Throwback memory..."Hitting me silently".....was a spontan pic...happy memory

 

 

said : I didn't request anything...just a simple hope that all people that Important to me will be happy in their life...I don't have anything to gave to them..please Forgive me for all the mistake that I have done/doing with/without realize...I,m just a normal person....Every moments and things was Sincerely from the bottom of my heart...Forgiving always be there....sorry coz I'm realize that "People can change But not the Memory"....always pray and please take care yourself AWAK.....

~ Stress?? Tension?? Tertekan?? ~

Assalamualaikum

What should I do?.....Every time I met a doctor..he always scolded at me.... And me....how can I manage my stress and tension.... Because of this my health always problems....

What's a good when I'm stress.. My stomach will hurting badly... I will have vomitted too...the worst is I can falling fainted if it's too bad.... Yesterday was a bad birthday day... Celebrate at hospital because I already fainted and my low blood problems.....when doctor check all about me.. What surprise? My weight.... I lost 5 kg in 1 week.. Suppose I'm happy with this?..... But I got a warning, If this continue happen ella...you will be in problems....

Doc said :Their ella, please manage your personal problems or works problem properly... Don't make it until it will effect your health....if you have a problems, find someone who can be your ear,sharing with you... Don't kept everything in your heart alone... This will effect you ella...

Said : I wish I could be that doctor... I wish I can be strong......Allah always with me........

~ terima kasih :'( ~

Assalamualaikum

Happy birthday and sanah helwah ella ..you are 24 y/o already..... Yup,yesterday was my birthday 25/02/2014....like every year nothing special about that day..... Plus this year more sadness for me... I have been forgotten from others/friends/family... No one remember that day :'(....

While I'm be waiting someone special... His missing with his self... I couldn't know anything about him.... This is more sadness to me.... Wishing u will be here... Wishing u will remember of me my birthday.... Why? Why I'm so worried about you.... Just now, I open our group whatapp,I feeling so hurting while I'm seeing that u left that group...

Dear Awak? It's gonna be happened again?..... I'm too scared to think about that... Ya Allah ko berilah kekuatan kepadanya untuk hadapi segala rintangan mahupun kesusahan...bukalah pintu hatinya selalu untuk insan yang sentiasa menyayanginya..... jika INI adalah ujian darimu untukku... Daku redha Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kebahagiaanku adalah milikmu.... Terima kasih atas kebahagiaan ini....

~ bukan marah mahupun benci... cuma??~

Assalamualaikum

Silent quite... Itu lah kata-kata yang mampu saya katakan.... Difficult to understand me hah??...... Mungkin saya complicated orangnya... Cuma saya mampu katakan, hanya orang yang mengenali saya akan mengetahui how simple I am....btw bukan puji diri sendiri.... Hehehe

Well, it's ella lau was mad??angry??hated??....ermmmm...wish u....first, don't judge people even by their acting... Sometime they got their own reason when they acting so and so.... Back to me?... If I can choose being mad?being angry? Being hated? Being saddy?Being hurting?.....

I choose to being silent,being quite, being forgiveness,being forgetting....can I??for me is simple, even though I'm not such a good person, a strong person.. Doesn't matter.. As long as for me, when I have uncomfortable feelings I'm trying to cool as I can.....because I'm just hoping to give happiness to person around me even sometimes sacrifice will take place.. Doesn't matter, as long for them :)..yup I also was a stubborn person, even they don't care about me, I will care about them.."the more we care the more we get hurting?"but I still to choose it......just sometime doing nothing doesn't means do not know anything....

Said: the path we get through is Allah given... But the way through our path is our chosen...

~ simple wishes ;) ~

Assalamualaikum

LWL.....February will pass and march around the corner.... Cepat betul masa berlalu...Pejam celik day hampir 3 bulan tahun 2014....if cerita Pasal tahun nie.. Saya rasa a lot of things gonna be happen.. May be this year will be sadness year or maybe being a greatest happiness year...who's know??......we didn't know what will be happen tomorrow or in the future...

People change?... Yup,times will go.. Means we will become old time by times... So do I...maybe before this I was a teenagers that's always happy go lucky...nothing to think... For me life is simple just enjoy... Can I say that again? Its hard for me.... Times? Masa?.... Yup dalam masa Yang singkat macam2 boleh jadi... Sama ada baik or buruk.... Masa?? Masa juga akan mendewasakan dan mematangkan kita... matured??.....

Matured?? This was a scary word for me before....because a lot of thing I need to think...even I don't want too.... Sometimes I just miss a moment while I'm acting just innocence girls... That happy just do what I want.. That have a big spirit,confidence, Patience, strong character... But while times go.... A lot of me, also gone.... The most precious is my spirit.... I'm just afraid I will lost a part of me myself...because I'm also change.... How about my united friendship spirit?

Times by times... My spirit was reduce little bit....day by day, I feel missing it a little and little.... Then I'm just afraid one day i will lost that spirit soon....it's hard because for me it's part of my ownself.... Should I throw it?..... Simple wish? I just hope people that I love most more be always happy health with their life...I wish I will always have strength for stand with people I'm love and care so much.... Even I'm not be around anymore.....

P/s : appreciate people around you... Give and take all love for them...while they still in this world... People don't know about tomorrow but at least prepare before its too late...nothing can change and you will regret in future....

~ Dugaan hebat..aku semakin rapuh ~

Assalamualaikum

Perkongsian yang sangat berat daripada diriku...saat ini daku merasakan terlalu hinanya diri ini..terlalu kerdil di mata manusia mahupun di matanya...Ya Allah,apakah ini dugaan untuk hambamu...Jika benar ini dugaan daripadamu,berilah kekuatan pada hambamu ini... Saat ini daku terlalu lemah, merasakan semangat diri kian goyah... Saat ini, daku hanya ingin menyendiri, membawa diri.. Bukan bermaksud daku berputus asa mahupun membenci apatah lagi melarikan diri.... Cuma daku inginkan masa untuk mencari balik semangat yang kian hilang....

"Sometimes I need a shoulder to cry with, I need an ears to hearing me"....while that happen I know Allah is the right one but I'm just a normal human being... Need a small care and love just to give me spirit to stand along ..someone give me this word "appreciate people around you, that's always care and love you....don't regret while they already gone not around this world anymore because we never know if tomorrow we still have a time to life"....just to let people that I love and care most" I'm happy to have you all, thanks for everything during times being.. All memory will always inside a deep my heart..I never mad or angry to anyone related because my love is more big then everything...the priceless ever for me is forgiven... Just be happy and enjoy your all life guys.. "LWL...